Do you keep a journal? I admit, I am not the most consistent journal keeper…but I have kept one (or more like seven!) over the past few years. This morning I decided to go back and read some of them.
Y’all…I am AMAZED at what I wrote! AMAZED I tell ya!
See, 2005 through 2012 were some really difficult years for me. I was desperate for change in my life and no matter how hard I tried it just seemed to get harder and harder. I wanted OUT of my stress filled life. I was sick of my life in general. I had put myself on auto pilot and was just kind of drifting through life with no real purpose. I guess you could say I was just going through the motions. I wasn’t really living.
On October 10, 2009 (My birthday!) I went to a Beth Moore conference in Memphis, TN with the ladies from my church. Here is what I wrote in my journal when I got home: “What a wonderful weekend! I enjoyed it [conference] so much! God has so much to say and I am trying to learn how I should listen. I tend to get in my own way too often.” Then, I listed my prayer concerns and numbered them.
Here is number 7:
- Get my house back if it is God’s will
- Write a book in Your name (God’s name)
- Travel far and wide with my family
- The dreams You have for me ~ that they will be revealed in Your Time!
On June 23, 2011 I wrote:
“Today is the first day of the rest of my life! Three years of emotional healing are complete ~ now the physical healing begins. We are moving back home soon. Being back on our land will be very exciting. God says, ‘I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper and heal you~ I believe that! The hard work is about to start, however I know that God has my back! I CAN do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me! My list of long term goals and my bucket list follows. These are the things I want and pray that God allows me to do one day.’
Number One? TRAVEL!!!!
Number Seven? Hike as many mountain trails as possible!
Number Nine? Write a Book!
Number Eleven? Go Ziplining!!!
Do you have goosebumps yet? I know I do!!! As I kept reading I saw several exercises that I did that aligned with some books I was reading at the time. One such exercise came from The Path by Laurie Beth Jones. Here is what I wrote:
“My mission is to Appreciate, Motivate, and Write about Life for my family and other families. I want to travel near and far to reach out to those families. My dream life would look like this: I would be traveling often. I would be talking to many people and enjoying the small things more. I would be making people laugh and I would enjoy working. My kids would travel with me and we would try every new adventure we could find. I would write several books and put a fun spin on the everyday ordinary life – and get paid to write instead of writing for free. People would seek me out and ask me to speak. God, my savior would be glorified through me always”.
Andy Andrews said yesterday (on the CD I was listening to in my car…we are buds…he just hasn’t realized it yet! Ha!!) that we are in control of the path our lives take. We get to choose what happens and we set those things in motion when we write them down and persist without exception. I think he may be on to something there!! LOL
I am sharing this with y’all today because I KNOW that some of you are living on autopilot just like I was in 2009. I know that you are desperate for change and for things to get better. I know how lonely, desperate, and yep…jealous I was during that time in my life. I thought the grass was greener everywhere, but where I was and I wanted an easy way out of my misery….but I was WRONG!
Andy reminded me yesterday that the mountain tops are bare…and cold…and it’s hard to breathe. But, we find trees and flowers and living things in the valleys! Reaching the mountain top is a good goal…but we can’t stay there once we reach the top. We have to go back down and walk through the valleys again to gain the strength we need to climb the next mountain and reach the next goal. Reading my old journals reminded me that I have been walking towards a new mountain for a while now.
I never saw my life being like it is today. I didn’t see the devastating blow that would send me into a tail spin. I didn’t calculate that particular detail into my master plan…but you know what? I’m still moving towards my mountain top. I still have the same core goals that I have always had…I still have dreams of doing great things for God’s kingdom. I didn’t loose those dreams when my world imploded…they grew!
I hope this post encourages someone today. I hope that you see HOPE in your own future. I hope you are not nearly as miserable as I was (and still am some days). I hope you will set your life in motion and start walking towards your life mission. The only person that can start that process is YOU. Best of luck to ya…and remember you are not alone on your journey.