Does anyone else feel like they can’t breath right now? No…ok then. Well, I guess it’s just me and the fact that I have just now finished making the final edits to my manuscript!
The editors have had it for the past few weeks. The copy they sent me needed to be read and corrections had to be made before going to production. Unbelievably…there were only ten corrections that needed to be made (according to the editors!) throughout the whole thing! Yahoo!!!
I got the email telling me what to do last week…but y’all know how last week went….soooooooo the book had to take a back seat. Today has literally been the first day I have had to sit down and read the whole thing again and make my final corrections. As I read the book again today there are several things that I have learned.
First, I can’t read it without crying. I am not normally the type of person who cries easily, but reading my own book makes me cry everytime. If that wasn’t enough re-reading my story has for sure caused me to cry. I will just warn you that this book is very emotionally charged and has the potential to make you ugly cry. Sorry.
Second, I realized today how much I have grown and changed in the past few months. Grief is a long process and I was able to see how many stages of the process I have swam through up to this point. I hope that gives someone else the strength to keep going! Today I was able to see how far I have come and it was just the boost I needed to keep charging ahead one day at a time!
Third, I was reminded once again how loved I am. I am a child of the King…the Living God…the Lord of Lords…and the King of Kings. Seeing how much God has loved, protected, provided, and prepared me is so very humbling. Reading my manuscript this afternoon, I realized that I didn’t write it…God did. He used me to say what He wanted to be said and He has opened the doors for me to use it for His glory. I am amazed and feel so unworthy of His grace and love.
Please pray with me that God will continue to use me for His glory. I am a perfectly IMPERFECT person who makes mistakes every day of her life. I cuss a little…and I get mad. I judge situations that I don’t fully understand. I get my feelings hurt and I get jealous. I fail to tell my girls how much I love them. I leave clutter laying all around and lazily walk past it without a care in the world. I fail to smile as often as I should. And, yes I eat entirely too much chocolate. I could go on and on with all of the terrible things I do each day that makes God sad…but at the end of the day I know that I am His girl. I am saved by Grace and no matter how much I mess up, no matter how stressed out I get, no matter what anyone says to me or about me…at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. The only thing that does matter is that I know where to lay my troubles down and I know who is strong enough to carry them so that I don’t have to.
Life is so hard. It is easy to just get caught up in drama and crap that doesn’t matter. That’s exactly what the devil wants to happen. God says, “lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight”. Thank goodness!! I am so glad to be reminded of this promise today, because I don’t know what He plans to do with me or this book. I don’t know what doors He might open and I don’t know if I am ready to walk through them or not. Honestly, I am so scared!! That’s how faith works though…right?
We have to do things scared sometimes. We have to jump out of the airplane and hope the parachute works. We have to believe that God’s plans are not our plans and we have to hold on to the promise that He gives us to “never leave or forsake us”. My shaking hands are surely hoping He has a good plan as I hit ‘send’ on this final copy of my manuscript. A friend asked a little boy one time if he was a “man or a mouse” to which the little boy responded “squeak, squeak, squeak”…today I know exactly how that little boy felt! I am jumping out of this plane and holding on to the promise that God has a plan…and squeaking all the way!
I have been asked to present two book signings and to speak at three different ladies events once I have the book in hand. Those invitations have humbled me to the core and I find it so hard to believe that God is really opening the door for a new ministry to start. I will post the dates for those events once I have the final dates settled. If you or your organization would like to schedule an event please feel free to contact me here or through my Facebook page. I would love to share what God has done for me through this painful season. It is truly unbelievable how much He loves us!
So, hang in there y’all! We are all gonna make it one day at a time…just don’t give in or give up. God loves you, I love you, and you are not in this life by yourself…no matter how lonely you feel right now.