I have had the best time lately. It seems like happiness is just slipping back into my life little by little and it feels so good! I noticed this weekend that I was smiling and laughing more than I had since last summer. We spent time with lots of friends and family who love us without question over the weekend. Life in general was just good this past week. It feels weird actually saying that out loud.
Today it is raining outside and looks really dreary; but I don’t feel that black cloud of sadness today like I have every time it has rained since September. Today, I just feel happy. The kind of happy that lets me know I am going to make it. I truly am alive and I have a lot to keep living for in my life.
I have the best friends on Earth. Literally…the best. They have loved me through the darkest days that I could have ever imagined and never once wavered when it got too overwhelming. All of them have hugged me and listened to me. They have given me a place to hide and they have kept my girls busy so that they didn’t have to see me at my worst. They have fed us, called us, and forced us to keep on living day by day. It’s amazing to me that I have such an unbelievable group of people surrounding me that truly would do anything in the world for me. It’s just awesome!
Today, as I sit here and watch it rain outside I am realizing how important laughter is for our health. Everyone knows that diet, exercise, and sleep are the keys to good health…but so is laughter. I really believe that doctors should write prescriptions for laughter sometimes. It makes a HUGE difference in how we look at and live life. Trust me. My face and stomach are literally hurting today because I have laughed so much the past few days. Its the best feeling in the world to know that I can be happy and I can laugh at stupid little things again. For a while there I truly didn’t know if I would ever sincerely laugh again. Now, I can say that I have laughed a lot and it feels wonderful!
I am looking forward to what the future holds for me once more. I can’t wait to see what kind of adventures come my way. I am excited to meet new people and make new memories. I am finally able to let myself truly laugh again and I could not be more happy about it.
I have done the hard work of plowing through grief. I have stood still and let the hurricane hit me full force. I have withstood the devastation and the anguish that comes from soul ripping loss. I have cried out for help…and relief…and God has provided both. Today, it hit me that now I am on a wave and I am riding out into the deep water again. I’m not stuck against the rocks anymore. I’m not holding on for dear life every moment of everyday. I’m ready to see where this new wave will take me….and I could not be more excited about it. The winds of change are surrounding me and they are being pushed by the laughter of all of my friends. I could not be happier if I tried.
Thinking back I remember several conversations that Greg and I had about how he wanted me to live if something ever happened to him. I hated those conversations at the time, but now I am glad we had them. I understand what he was saying about not wanting me to waste my life if he died. He said one time: “If you put me in the ground….I’ll be gone. Don’t waste your life waiting on me to come back, because I won’t. Just go on living and try to be happy”. Well, that’s what I’m doing. I’m choosing to be happy and it took massive doses of laughter to help me see that I can do this! I really can go on living and I really can enjoy life again.
I hope and pray that somebody reading this realizes that they can go on living today as well. I don’t know who you are and I don’t know your story…but I do know that life stinks sometimes. I know it gets hard and the clouds gather above you until you can’t see the sunshine for the rain. I get it! I see you…and my heart hurts for you too.
I do not have all of the answers by any stretch, but one thing I do know for a fact: You can change your life no matter how bad it seems right now. You can be an overcomer and a difference maker. You can enjoy life and relax. You can make it through the darkest of days and come out singing! But, how?
First, you have to find a way to bring laughter back into your life. It doesn’t matter if it is a TV show, movie, book, music, or time spent with friends and family that makes you laugh. Find a way to laugh everyday…and keep doing it over and over. Soon, you will be like me and realize that you can laugh again…not just that fake, empty laugh either. The laugh that makes you cross your legs and hold your stomach. The one that makes people turn and stare because they want to know what is so funny. The one that can be heard all the way down the hall. The one that makes tears roll down your cheeks. The one that makes you loose your breath. That’s the kind of laughter I’m talking about. Not the polite little fake one we try to tell ourselves is real. That one is not gonna help you. Go for the real deal!
Give it a try…and let me know how it works for you! It feels so good!!!
I love to hear your stories and how they relate to mine…so keep sending me those messages! I am encouraged by all of you who take the time to send me a message and share your stories with me. We are in this thing called life together…and I hope you never feel alone. I want to be your friend and I want to encourage you to keep on going! I couldn’t make it without the people I share my life with; and I understand how important their presence is for my healing.
Choose to laugh today. Make yourself a promise and stand by it…just for yourself. Give yourself the gift of laughter and keep on giving it to yourself everyday. I realize that I am worth it now…and so are you! We don’t have to depend on other people to make us happy. It is not up to someone else to make us happy anyway…it is a personal requirement. We just have to give ourselves permission to do whatever we have to do to make it happen.
Have a great week everybody!